Throat Cancer & Recovering My Voice

On March 8^th my husband Norm took the call from Larry McBride’s nurse. She said that some of the cells from the biopsy taken from the area around my left parotid gland came back malignant. I heard Norman ask what malignant meant.

That was only 2½ months ago. It seems so much longer.

Precisely on the hour of the Spring Equinox the surgeon removed more than 20 lymph nodes on the left side of my neck, 19 were bisected and only one contained cancerous cells. He also debulked a tumor at the base of my tongue; he could not remove anymore of it without basically cutting out my tongue. Cancer is also evident in the soft folds of my throat right near there.

It would be easier for me to explain this to you if even one of the doctors had had a dedicated conversation to explain it to me. Unbelievably, the oncologist had not reviewed my PET scan when had our meeting. I have read the entire report myself.

And now, already, I have had 3 of 7 rounds of chemo, and 14 of 33 radiation treatments. Yes, I feel rushed into this treatment. This is the standard protocol (I have seen it laid out in a schematic), and no other alternative was offered. I believe one would have to leave the country to be offered a true alternative.

My last chemo treatment is on June 17^th and radiation will be completed on the Summer Solstice. That in its self feels magical to me.

In this situation I am not with out choices. I choose to see the chemotherapy as a bath of love, immersing and cleansing. I choose to see the radiation as the rising sun and giver of life and as being harmless to me; I see that I am safe and blessed, and I use those minutes for gratitude and praying for others.

I am thankful for that deep hypnagogic state of consciousness. And in the blogs to come I will share my gifts and trials.

Tags: cancer, healing, love, speaking truth, tongue cancer, voice